Many women today are searching for true love… the concept of a magical connection with another human being that defies the test of time and allows you to realise why it didn’t work out with anyone else is beautiful and romantic and the stuff made of fairy tales.
In this search for true love, what most of us forget to ask ourselves is, “Am I able to give to myself the way I’m looking for someone else to give to me?”
What is unconditional love?
So, what is unconditional love? Unconditional love is giving with pure intention and without any expectations, without seeking gratification or validation. Unconditional love comes with the freedom from obligating one person to another. It comes with acceptance and wanting the best for someone else, irrespective of the impact it has on you but within the boundaries, you hold for your Self-love.
We can only give unconditional love when we’re in a place where we’re fulfilling our own needs, otherwise, the connection becomes dependent or co-dependent. If we rely on a partner to provide us with emotional, mental, spiritual, financial and physical support we become reliant and start pulling their energy toward us constantly. That need to feed the lack within ourselves can be draining on the other person and can lead to resistance and exhaustion in the connection.
Focusing on yourself to fulfill your own needs first
If you’re not giving yourself the things that you need, how can you place an expectation on others to fulfill your needs? If you don’t treat yourself with honesty, respect, kindness, compassion, understanding and self-love, how can anyone else?
Remember to teach others along the way
I remember a conversation I had with a friend years ago (before mobile phones were the go-to accessory in every handbag) and he called a girl he was interested in “a bitch”. I was offended for her and I don’t get easily offended. I explained to him that if he calls her that, he gives every man on the street the right to call her that. He learnt something that day and never disrespected her after that.
Loving your Self Unconditionally
Unconditional Love and acceptance for Self are the same principles, but for yourself. It’s about putting boundaries in place for yourself, showing your Self-respect and understanding your worth and value. If, as an empowered modern-day woman, you’re able to demonstrate to others how they should treat you through leading by example, then they’ll need to meet you at your level. Otherwise, you’ll let go because you know your worth.
If you don’t show the world how to treat you, then others will only do what they know from the level they’re at, which may not be the level you expect or deserve. You have the choice to set the bar for what is acceptable or not for you by understanding who you are, identifying your needs and fulfilling them for yourself. And it will be different for every woman, as we’re all in different stages of our journey.
Understanding who you are and what’s important to you by answering the questions below will guide you in offering yourself unconditional love:
1. What are your core values and principles?
2. Are you meeting your own needs?
3. What can you work on or do to give to yourself?
4. Jot down the characteristics you look in someone else (unrelated to you – this should just be about the other person)
5. Are you giving to yourself the way you expect someone to give to you?
The journey to Self
It’s interesting, as once you start doing these things and coming to your Self from a place of unconditional love, you’ll naturally accept and start practicing that with others too. In fact, when someone comes to you from a level that doesn’t match where you’re at, you no longer feel disappointed because you haven’t placed an expectation on them to fulfill your needs. You can actually accept or love them in the place they’re at because you’re loving yourself the way you deserve to be loved.
So, when you’re no longer dependent or reliant on someone else, you start to see the things that are important to you more clearly and what you’re willing to compromise on or not…
Ladies – when you’ve got your emotional, mental, spiritual and financial Self on lock, you can make a clear decision on what you’re willing to accept or not in your love life because you’re no longer looking for or dependent on your partner to fulfill those needs. If you’re searching for unconditional love – start by loving yourself unconditionally.
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