How to Cure The Disease To Please

  • Published on:
    January 31, 2019
  • Reading time by:
    5 minutes

Whether you are a woman in business, woman in a profession or anyone building upon and working towards their goals and ambitions (in all areas of life), no doubt many if not all have faced the harrowing conflict when it comes to making the right decisions for ourselves. There are different facets to decision making, one aspect is the conflict that occurs from the ‘disease to please’.

Making the right decisions can be difficult, however it only gets more complicated when we have added internal conflicts. 

Disease To Please 

One of the greatest inhibitors to one’s success is when consumed by the disease to please. The need to please people comes from both nature and nurture. It is something we are taught as well as having the innate desire to be ‘liked’. Now granted when you are working with others in any capacity you want to integrate well and connect with people including your audience, customers, clients etc. However if the balance tips more towards always wanting to please them from your side, you will find yourself at the mercy of others and only fulfilling them and their needs. Inevitably this will lead you towards your own unhappiness and the unfulfillment of your own goals and ambitions. 

Many of us have fallen victim to this learned mindset and realise it only after the effects have taken hold and we become dissatisfied. However you can always learn how to correct this mindset and correct the behaviour. 

Wanting to make a good impression (to employers, bosses, co-workers, clients, customers etc) is different to people pleasing. Always remember that your actions need to serve yourself as well as others. 

So how does one progress forward and keep a healthy state of mind and not develop the disease to please? 

Be Self-Aware Before you make a decision – Think – are you saying ‘Yes’ when really you want to say ‘No’. We sometimes confuse ourselves and the desire to please takes over. We are afraid of disappointing someone, that it’s impolite, that if something is within our means we should always say yes, that we should say yes to every opportunity and job, and the list goes on. If you don’t want to do something, don’t do it because most likely you will hold resentment, negative energy and not give your full effort towards what you have agreed to. 

‘It is ok to say no, it is ok to say no and people don’t like you for it’ – Oprah 

Everyone struggles or has struggled with the idea of not being liked, because we think that there is something wrong with us and/or it means we are a bad person. This is because we have been conditioned to think this way. You need to correct this mindset if you are wanting to achieve success and happiness. The positive reality is that we cannot please everyone, we do our best to live our truth and do what’s right for us so that in turn we can do right by others. What people think and how they react is outside of your control, the only thing you can control is yourself. When you are making a decision however big or small, think before you speak and speak with confidence. Those with the right mindset will respect you for it. 

People pleasing serves no one, because what you have said yes to begrudgingly has taken away an opportunity for someone else to have done it with positivity as it was right for them not you.  

Take your time, prevent others from rushing you to say ‘yes’ by being prepared with responses. This includes having your ‘no’ response pre planned so that you are confident discussing it. Know your reasons however when you speak do not act like you are trying to justify your decision. When you need time, say you need time, often even those with the best intentions, including our advisors say what they think is right for us but we ourselves are not convinced, so take the time you need within reason – don’t avoid it or procrastinate. 

Follow your intuition – Follow your instincts. We often question what our natural instincts are telling us, while you need to be careful that it is not fear intervening, be sure to take what your initial instinct says seriously. 

Identify what your personality type and explore your psychology. By understanding more about how YOU work, the better you will be able to identify where it stems from for yourself, because we are all unique.

Gain the right mental tools, learn how to use them and keep them sharp and ready to use at any time you need them. Go out there and make the right decisions for you!

Haseena Bheekhun

Haseena Bheekhun is a Coach, Mentor, and Consultant. The scope of expertise in many areas of lifestyle, career life and business spans as wide as the exposure and first-hand experience has enabled her to interpret and understand the do’s and don’ts. Packaging this in a way that caters to the individual and the extended professional environment i.e. small company, large company or organization individuals are able to improve personally and professionally. Haseena’s vision is to empower and enable others to utilize their full potential and achieve their goals, by educating them and the wider community on various issues relating to mindset. Haseena enjoys creative and educational pursuits in philosophy, psychology, technology, science, and art.

You might also enjoy..

by Christi Pratte

How Queens Turn Pain Into Power

What connects all of us as humans? Pain, heartbreak, challenge, and adversity. It’s our stories of struggle and triumph that filter who we connect with, and at the heart of all friendship is a resonation of understanding where another has come from in relation to our own personal stories. It’s powerful to see how very similar we all are at the th

Ways to Increase An Incredible Charisma

There are some people that just instantly make us feel important. Some of them just light up a room by just walking in. Some people just have it, they are naturally charismatic. But what do they do? Unfortunately natural charisma can be lost quickly it’s impact. Familiarity breeds, well, familiarity.
by Sheinna Mungroo

How To Boss Motivate Yourself On Off Days

Yes, we have all been there. We have all experienced some form of demotivation in our lives. However, this is normal. Sometimes life throws us that curveball and things can get tough or we wind up faced with a difficult challenge. We might find ourselves questioning why we even started in the first place.
by Christine Falco

How to Use Mindfulness to Manage Stress at Work

Work-related stress and burnout are among the leading causes of poor physical and mental well-being, with many professionals suffering from workplace anxiety as a result.  The promising news is that even an attempt to practice daily mindfulness will aide in creating habits to leave work at work, deal with stress, and remain alert.
Ways Women Are Adding Extra Income Later in Life: women on Topp

Ways Women Are Adding Extra Income Later in Life:

Women are 80% More Likely to be Impoverished by Age 65. So, what you can do about it? Let’s face it. There is still a glass ceiling. Of course, women have made advances in every profession, and today girls are graduating from college in greater numbers than men. However, the income gap is still in place. Women still take time off to have and raise
Why your brain feels 'foggy' and how to fix it:
by Vanessa Mehaouchi

Why Your Brain Feels ‘Foggy’ And How To Fix It:

As someone who has not been diagnosed with ADHD or ADD, it can feel mildly troubling to experience cognitive… discomforts (?) like memory loss, difficulty focusing or concentrating and episodes of ‘zoning out’. I began to notice a decline in my ability to complete projects, a lack of motivation and a sense of mental fatigue.
Do You Love Yourself Enough To Succeed?
by Christi Pratte

Do You Love Yourself Enough To Succeed?

Self-love and acceptance is the root of all success. What we believe we are worth and capable of, is the essential foundation that we can further build on. This is why so few make it to the top. Many of us know how to get a few levels off the ground, but the further we go and the more setbacks we face our foundations become tested, subjecting the
Why Does Instagram Make Us Feel Bad About Ourselves? And What You Can Do About It.
by Vanessa Mehaouchi

Why Does Instagram Make Us Feel Bad About Ourselves?

And what you can do about it. Instagram users have two leading motives: self-expression and social interaction. Users post pictures and curate an online identity as well as communicate and interact with their friends and followers. The development of self-expression online mixed with exposure to other users invites intrinsic psychological effects.

Join the discussion!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.


Please fill in your email address and submit to subscribe