5 Basics For Assertive Communication

  • Published on:
    October 18, 2019
  • Reading time by:
    8 minutes

How many times we have faced a situation that bothers us or we have accepted a commitment that doesn’t really suit us but for fear of not pleasing others, by our own personality or by custom we have accepted. When we put the interests and opinions of others ahead of oneself, we underestimate ourselves and in the long term, it doesn’t have positive consequences for us in our relationship building. Assertiveness is a form of communication that consists of defending your rights, expressing your opinions and making honest suggestions without falling into aggression or passivity, respecting others but above all respecting your own needs.

In this article, you will learn why it is so important that you define your limits and why being assertive and practicing techniques to master assertive communication can make you communicate in a much more comfortable and frank way with others in your workplace and in your personal life. As women in charge of so many responsibilities in different environments, we can express our self in a firm, safe, reasoned and justified manner considering the importance of good management of our emotions, which is more than beneficial.

1. Replace your negative thoughts

Being assertive does not mean being rude. It is important to identify the fact that causes us a feeling of rejection and expose it as such in a balanced but direct way. Avoid giving free rein to the negative thoughts and guilt that may arise at the beginning when we reject a commitment or when we give a frank explanation, will feed our long-term self-security. Substituting thoughts like “I’m a bad friend for not being able to do wherever for my friend” for “my friend will understand, it is a really important week for me and I need to be focused”. It makes a difference in how our mind reacts to different situations. Analyze from a realistic perspective what you can do and not in each case, and expose it accordingly rejecting completely unnecessary thoughts that the only thing they will do is deconcentrate you from what is most important.

2. Learning to say no

Saying no without negotiation is completely acceptable in some situations. Rambling on occasions only complicates things so managing the gentle art of saying NO with total confidence and not allowing rebate in this regard will help us manage situations effectively. Try to do it little by little and with little things to make it less difficult. If you meet a person who is pressing you, simply explain that now it is not possible for you. Reject to feel bad or guilty in doing this. It is a necessary step to keep productive, and minimize stress,

3. Keep your objectives clear

Before speeding up and agreeing to do whatever favor you have been asked, take a few minutes or days to think about whether you want to do it or not and if you will be available to do it or not. Discern between the activities that are important to you and those that are only being an emotional or time burden It’s essential. Establishing our agenda of activities under defined criteria of priorities will immediately increase our productivity and efficiency. When we use assertiveness to communicate, we must also be clear about the message we want to convey, what explanations we want to give and what immediate solution we are in a disposition to give.

4. Transmit your emotions

Being positive attracts positive. Giving a natural and honest explanation about our reasons, trying to empathize as much as possible with our interlocutor will make us create an environment of trust and mutual understanding that will help us to have more comprehensive relationships capable of supporting each other in different situations. The attitude influences in surprising ways the reactions and post feelings. Transmitting in a positive way, with a light expression and a conciliatory smile will make any message a successful communication, even when what you are saying is not entirely pleasant.

5. Propose an effective solution

Despite having stressed the importance of assertiveness in our lives, being available to anyone who needs your help is a positive sign of ourselves. In these situations that we cannot attend, we surely have alternatives in our hands to solve them. Let’s offer those alternatives! To propose to delay a meeting, to offer help through other routes or deriving the situation to a person of our confidence can be some of the solutions that we can contribute. One way or another, developing concrete communication skills for different situations that we can face in our day to day and prepare beforehand will always help us to solve any type of situation in a successful, balanced and professional way.

Ester Mbomio Lagar

Ester is a young international executive,  journalist, and specialist in protocol and diplomacy. Communication has always been her passion and vocation. Her background has been so far in international environments and communication agencies, as well in human development and volunteering. She has a passion to know cultures and she is now working on the launch of her own podcast website. She promotes a success and sustainable lifestyle and she enjoys giving tips for encourages women to find their own potential and path in life.

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