”What I Gained from Losing Everything”

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  • Published on:
    January 31, 2018
  • Reading time by:
    4 minutes


”Simply Complicated”

My name is Kenia and I am 27 years old. I was born in the Dominican Republic and raised in New York City. I am mother a to a beautiful baby boy. (He is no longer a baby, but will forever be my baby boy.)  I created a blog called “Simply Complicated” for one reason: to show people that no one struggling with anxiety or depression is alone. My blog is based on my life, but written in such a way that others can relate.

It was not okay to make mistakes

Being raised in a Dominican family wasn’t easy for me. I was not allowed to make any mistakes or say certain things without getting in trouble.  After losing my sister, life became harder for me. I was expected to take care of things that a child/young adult shouldn’t have to take care of.  Yes, hard to believe, but it’s true and I’m sure you can only imagine how this made me feel. I learned that triumphs weren’t going to come easy.  In my family, it was okay to go through struggles and trials, but it was not okay to make mistakes. This made me feel like I couldn’t be who I wanted to be. I was hiding, and was afraid to show the REAL me.

My life consisted of a lot of caffeine and sleepless nights

The first “mistake” that I made, in my parent’s eyes, was when I had my son at the early age of 19.  They felt as though my education and career would be ruined now that I had a baby.  They felt that being a mother was going to stop me from growing, but that couldn’t have been further from the truth.  I will say it was very difficult being a mother to a new born while also being a full-time student in my second year of college.  I traveled back and forth from Philadelphia to New York three times a week.  My life consisted of a lot of caffeine and sleepless nights.  People would often tell me that I should sleep when the baby slept, but how could I when I had papers due, projects and homework that all needed to be done.  If my son was up, I wanted to be up with him so he could feel my presence and know that his mommy was there.  I did this for three years straight, and even though it was hard, I was too focused to give up.  My son was my motivation and I promised him I would do this for him.

My education allowed me to network, travel and meet independent, powerful and driven women

By the age of 24, I completed not only my undergrad but also my graduate degree.  I will never forget the day I graduated the pride that I felt when I saw how excited my son was.  My parents were shocked that I finished school (something they never thought I could do).  It was at that moment that I began to believe in myself.  I realized that I could do anything if I stayed focused and dedicated.

My education allowed me to network, travel and meet independent, powerful and driven women that had different goals and ideas.  It also made me realize that I love to travel, meet new people and learn about their culture.  Not to mention, you can get new and bigger ideas when you expand your horizons.

I currently work full time as an Insurance Agent for a well known insurance company. I did not originally think that I would do this for as long as I have.  Over the years, I have been able to move up in the agency, learn and travel. The most important thing about my job is that I feel as though I can express my ideas, thoughts and personality without being held back. That to me is a huge plus!

I still felt like something was missing

Even with having both degrees, a great job, a beautiful family and so many blessings, I still felt like something was missing. I was unhappy and it was affecting me mentally and emotionally. I was depressed and my partner and my son started to notice.  I wanted to explode and just say what was holding me back, but I was afraid of rejection; I was afraid of gossip; I was afraid of how my parents were going to react…

This is when I knew that I couldn’t let the fear take control of me.  I approached my parents and I as took a big breath… I told them my sexual preferences. I was into girls, and always have been. I immediately felt a huge weight off my shoulders.  This, however, was a huge shock to them and I could see that they were hurt. The words and disappointment made this mistake number 500, (I may be over exaggerating, but I lost count since what was right to me could have been wrong to them). At that moment, I was bashed, disowned and ridiculed. So many emotions occurred within the next two years that I distanced myself from a lot (I spoke a little about my experience on my page so go check it out).

“It’s time that I take some time for me”

Being ambitious and having two full time jobs (being a mom and working) I started to lose myself. I couldn’t read the books I wanted, and if I did start I couldn’t finish them. I was so focused on making everything right and perfect that I lost what my potential was.  So, at the age of 27, I said to myself “it’s time that I take some time for me”. I needed to be able to take the time to either gather my thoughts, give my mind a breather or even take a time out from my everyday life.

Why I wanted to start my blog?

In the summer of 2017, I came back from vacation and I told my partner “I think it’s time I start my own page”. I’ve always been an audacious person and I like to do my own thing (even if it was behind my parents back).  I said “what the heck” and started designing my own page. At first, the page was created for me to express myself through my own life experiences. It was an outlet for me to talk about my lows, what motivated me and things that showed me why I am happier now with my life than I was back then. Once I started to see that my visitors were relating to my life stories, the page became more than just a “me” page but an “us” page.  I wanted everyone to know that I wasn’t alone and neither were they.

Through this process, I have met so many wonderful people and have gotten a lot of positive feedback.  It makes me feel great when they say “I am going through the same thing” or “I can relate to this”.  Great and Positive vibes is what I call it and I love it.

Expressing who you are is never an easy thing to do. You never know how others may react to what you say or what you write, but you always hope for the best.  This was a huge step out of my comfort zone but I am beyond grateful and thankful for the success of the page so far.  I can only hope to continue to encourage and inspire others as I continue this journey.

I always say… “Everyone has their own story.  We all have something that makes us great and we shouldn’t be afraid to speak on it.”

I want to inspire and I want to be inspired.




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