Grief is a journey that looks different for everyone, but for Sarah Stamper, it became the inspiration for something truly meaningful. A middle school teacher from Northern Kentucky, Sarah found herself navigating an immense personal loss during one of the most uncertain times in recent history—the COVID-19 pandemic. When she lost her father in March 2020, the world was already shutting down, leaving her to grieve in isolation without the comfort of a traditional farewell.
Amidst the pain and unanswered questions, Sarah experienced a vivid recurring dream that would ultimately shape the story she was meant to tell. In that dream, her father—healthy and whole—sat on the other side of a clear barrier, longing to be with his family. It was a heartbreaking vision, but in time, she recognized it as a message: her father’s love was still present, even if he wasn’t physically there. That realization became the foundation for her debut children’s book, You Were With Me When, a beautifully crafted story designed to help young readers and their families navigate the complexities of loss.
In this exclusive interview with Women On Topp, Sarah shares the emotional journey behind her book, the challenges she faced in the writing process, and the powerful lessons she hopes to impart to readers of all ages.
Losing a parent is incredibly difficult. How did your personal experience with grief lead you to write You Were With Me When?
What an amazing question that is totally going to make me feel very emotional. Be brave, Sarah Stamper, you can do this…Okay, here we go! Here is honest, long answer.
There were several experiences that led me to write You Were With Me When. The first experience would be how I was handling the death of my own father. In March of 2020, just a the world was shutting down from the pandemic, I lost my father to heart failure. The world was on such lockdown at the time that we almost didn’t get to say our goodbyes at the hospital where he was transported from home. We were watched at all times by hospital staff, which I totally understand given what was going on at the time; I was just grateful to have the opportunity to be there for his last breath. It was just such a weird thing to experience the day I feared the most happen at one of the most uncertain times of our lives. That was a moment that will always be in my head and something about it stuck with me and really opened my eyes that I needed to say something, I just didn’t know what it was at the time.
Moving on past that day but still in the middle of a pandemic, I was really struggling as a 34 year old woman. I would lay in bed constantly saying things like, “please say you are here, Dad! Please give me a sign!” Or “Dad, please get me through this day!” I would look around and there would be nothing. I wasn’t able to go do things I enjoyed because the world was pretty much shut down. I am so glad I had my family and friends at the time but even then, we were required space from them. We were not able to have a service for my Dad because of the state of the world so having any kind of normal healing or closure was on pause. I had to teach from home and didn’t have just the amazing energy of my students to make me feel better. I was very much in a depressed state. Meanwhile, I kept having an awful reoccurring dream that shook me up for quite some time. In my dream, there was me and my family in what looked like the normal world together. We were standing together, looking through clear Plexiglass that separated us from my father, who was on the other side healthy and in a really gorgeous environment sitting on a bench. He looked sad while sitting there and at times would get up from the bench and knock on the Plexiglass to get our attention. He would say things like, “I feel better, why can’t I come play? I want to play too.” “Why can’t I hang out with you guys? I didn’t want to leave.” This absolutely tore me up for quite some time and led to more depression. I was so sad at the time that I didn’t realize that maybe this was the sign I was looking for from my Dad.
Fast forward to months and years where the world started to become normal. We were able to have a celebration of life and start seeing people again while wearing masks. It was good for my mental health. There was still something inside of me that told me not to stay silent but I wasn’t sure at the time what I was supposed to say. I just tried to go about my life as usual and focus on the fact that I was coming out on the other end of two very hard things: my father’s death and a global pandemic. With stories of sadness and loss before, during, and after the pandemic, and with that awful dream I kept having of us being separated from my father, one day, it all just clicked.
One morning, in November of 2023, I told my husband, “Babe, I am going upstairs, I need to write.” This is something I have never said or done before. It is like I finally figured out what I was supposed to say and that was to use part of my experience to help children. I also used the message I felt I was receiving by the awful, reoccurring dream that I needed to continue to make a place in the world for my father if he couldn’t physically be here. Also, if I was struggling in my 30s with the loss of my father, it would have to be much harder for a child. That is when I turned what I experienced as an adult and put it in the perspective of child. I wrote all day. At the end of the day, I had a manuscript for You Were With Me When. I sent it in to Pegasus Publishers in the UK because I watched an interview of a local teacher talking about their book on the news and remembered the name. Five weeks later, I got an email saying they would like to publish and I was offered a contract. During 2024, I spent most of the year working with the publisher on edits, revisions, and illustrations. I finally signed off on the final product in December of 2024 and here we are today. I also haven’t had that awful dream of my father since writing the book.
What’s one piece of advice you would give to someone who is struggling with grief, regardless of age?
One piece of advice I can give someone struggling with grief is that the ones you are grieving wouldn’t want you to be anything less than happy in your one life. It will not always be easy to keep that mindset and there will be times where you really have to say to yourself, “Would so and so really want me to feel this way?” I had to do this with my Dad a lot in the beginning and I still have to do it when I have my hard days but the answer is always, “No, he wouldn’t want me to and I am going to keep trying to do whatever it takes not to feel this way.”
What was the most challenging part of writing You Were With Me When, and how did you overcome it?
The most challenging part of writing You Were With Me When was facing my own healing and insecurities. In order to write the book, I had to mentally face all of those moments that led me to write it in the first place. There were tears, there were shakes, there were pep talks by my husband, and there were a lot of deep breaths but I powered through that day. I had to power through because I really felt this was an honorable thing to do for my Dad and help others at the same time. My Dad always loved kids and wouldn’t want one sad to happen to a single one of them so to use his memory to help even one child was something I was determined to do, but it couldn’t have happened unless I faced my sadness first. I also don’t put myself out there, I live a pretty quiet life, and I am not good at handling rejection so I had to get past the insecurities of others not liking my book or it getting turned down to make it happen. I had no idea the experience would make me a much stronger person.
How do you hope your book will impact families and children who are going through grief?
I really hope that my book brings even one tiny glimmer of peace to at least one person’s day. I hope it teaches people to pay attention to little things that are still beautiful in life even if we are constantly amongst sadness. I hope it encourages others to know that those that we love who are not physically with us too still love us and want us to make the most of our precious one life. I hope it let’s people know we are resilient and can make it through difficult times in our lives.
What advice would you give to other aspiring authors, especially those who want to write children’s books?
Do not overthink it and don’t talk yourself out of it; just do it. I mean it. I know people often say, “if I can do it, anyone can.” As cliche as that might sound, I completely believe it after going through this entire experience. You have one life. Do not be afraid to make an impact. You never know what kind of impact you could be making on the world or the people in it.
How has your experience as an educator influenced the way you approached writing for children?
My experience as an educator has influenced my approach to writing by pushing me to write in a manner that teaches our kids something they can contribute to their own lives whether it is directly or indirectly. Our kids truly are our future and us adults know that growing up is hard. I think it is important that we do what we can to share out wisdom to help our future generations be the best and healthiest version of themselves. Even the smallest story or lesson can make a strong impact.
What has been the most rewarding feedback you’ve received so far about You Were With Me When?
Once I finished writing the original manuscript, I shared my story with friends and family. One thing I didn’t expect to hear was the impact that it made on adults. I have several friends in my life that have lost parents and they have told me that my book brought peace to them in their own lives. This was unexpected as the intention was to write for children but I am so glad that it made even adults feel better about their own grief. It reminded me that I was doing the right thing when writing this book.
Do you have plans to write more books in the future? If so, what themes or stories are you drawn to?
I certainly do not think I am one and done as a children’s book author. Ever since I finished writing You Were With Me When, my mind has not shut off and I have so many more ideas. I am not going to rush the next book as I want to soak in the experiences of this first one. I want to continue to feel my Dad’s spirit that inspired this book and honor his memory by properly sharing it with the world.
